Insight
by 711LuvsRanger
Summary: A heart-to-heart with Mary Lou is enlightening for Steph. Set after twenty-one, maybe minor spoilers for a couple of books.
1. Chapter 1

Stephanie sat on Mary Lou's sofa, eating Ben and Jerry's, complaining about her man problems with Joe and Ranger. "I love them both, I don't know what to do Lou." Stephanie said, with her usual indecisiveness.

Mary Lou sighed and put down her spoon. "Steph, you know I love you right? And I've always got your back. But I've been listening to you say these same things for years now.

I know I haven't experienced very much in life, I married young and only really know the Burg. I don't have much life experience, so I don't usually offer anyone advice. But I listen to a lot of people gossip about their lives, and I watch a lot of Dr Phil! So do you mind if I offer you some advice?"

Steph was a bit taken aback, but agreed, "Sure."

"Well, you often say how you don't know if you want to get married again, and you say kids terrify you, but sometimes you say other things that indicate you do want to get married, or at least have a permanent relationship. So which is it? And if you really do feel like you don't want marriage or kids, what are you still doing with Joe Morelli?

I like Joe, really I do, but he's Burg through and through. He wants the marriage and kids and the dog and the Saturday afternoons with the family. If you want to stay with Joe, you are going to need to accept that you're going to have to change some things, and be more like what Joe wants you to be.

If you don't want to change and you really don't want the marriage and kids, then I think you really need to let Joe go. Because it's making you both frustrated and unhappy to keep going like this. It's not fair to keep stringing Joe along, and letting him hope you'll come around to his way of thinking. You're holding him back from finding someone who wants the same things he wants."

Steph sniffled and drew a shivery breath, "I know what you're saying, but I do love Joe, I just don't know if I can be what he wants. And I do love Ranger too."

"Yeah I know Steph, but with Ranger, I don't know much, he's totally out of my experience. From everything you've ever told me though, it doesn't really sound like he's ever going to offer you anything traditional with a relationship. The same as with Joe, if it's Ranger you really want, you may just have to accept what he's willing to give you. I just don't if that's going to be enough for you. If he never wants to get married, will you be OK with that?"

Steph looked stricken. "I just wish he'd give me a chance at anything, but he always qualifies everything. Last time we talked about a relationship, he told me that he thought about marrying me. Then he said marriage was too extreme, so he thought about living with me. He told me he loves me 'in his own way'. Everything seems to have an exit clause. He makes me feel so insecure and uncertain."

Mary Lou sighed again. "I don't know Steph. Maybe you want something different from anything Joe or Ranger is prepared to offer you. I know it would take a brave woman to walk away from them both, but you're the bravest person I know. I think you just need to make up your mind to go after what you want. And take a deep breath and accept that you can't change them, any more than you want them to change you."

A tear slid down Stephanie's face. "I'm really scared Mary Lou. I know that I'm treading water here and I can't keep going like this. I know you're right about Joe, I feel like I'm holding him back sometimes, like maybe I'm treating him like a fall-back option. Ranger terrifies me that if I tell him I want to be with him, he's going to turn around tomorrow and tell me he doesn't want me for anything more than a friend or casual sex. I don't think I can handle just crumbs if that's all Ranger gives me. And I'm scared of ending up alone and lonely without either of them."

"Steph, I know they're amazing guys and unbelievably hot! But is that enough? They're not the only guys in the world. Maybe there's someone else out there who would be just right? Maybe you're Goldilocks! You've tested the too hard and the too soft."

Stephanie gave a watery chuckle. "Maybe you're right. It would be so hard to let them both go, but maybe I just need someone more adventurous than Joe, but less than Ranger."

Stephanie leaned her head against Mary Lou's shoulder. "I'm glad you watch Dr Phil. I think I needed the reality check."

Mary Lou hugged her tight. "What are you going to do?"

Stephanie sighed. "I'm still not sure. I have to do some serious thinking and make some decisions. I went over to Joe's a while back and he had all these family members coming over, and his grandma making this disgusting casserole. One of his nephews was out the back rolling in dog shit. I panicked. I really don't want that life. I like to visit you and Val and play with your kids, but I really like to go home to Rex. The more I think about it, the more I think I don't really want the life that Joe wants. And you're right, if I don't want it, I need to let Joe find someone who does. Somehow, I think the Joe thing will be the easier decision, no matter how much it might hurt.

The harder part is going to be deciding what to do about Ranger. It feels like I have to talk to him about what he's prepared to offer me but it feels like standing on the edge of a cliff. If I jump, it could hurt more than anything ever before. If it all falls apart, I don't know if could stand staying here and seeing him. I couldn't stand running into him on the street, or at the station. It would rip my heart out. Or if he found someone new. I'm not even sure how I'd handle seeing Joe with someone else, let alone Ranger. But maybe if I found someone else myself it wouldn't hurt so bad."

"Sounds like you've got some ideas already Steph," Mary Lou said. She nudged Stephanie's shoulder. "But let's not meet back here next month and have the same conversation, huh? Time for a change?"

"Yeah, time for a change. I hate change! But can't just keep standing still. Gonna be hard, really, really hard."

"I'll always be on your side Steph, no matter what happens. I'll always have your back. You can cry on my shoulder any time you need to."

"Yeah probably going to need this shoulder a lot. Love you Lou."

"Love you Steph."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Everyone who reviewed, favorited, followed, etc. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before, and I really understand how people say they become addicted to reviews! It is so encouraging and gave me such warm fuzzies! I had originally intended this as a one-shot (actually thought I clicked the 'complete' button… hmm) but your reviews and thoughts made me think maybe I could keep going. And then the ideas started to flow… So Thanks So Much! Cheers!_

 _More angst…_

Steph sat in the car feeling dizzy and nauseated, trying deep breathing to see if it might help her get a grip. So far, it wasn't working. She was thinking about putting her head between her legs, but that seemed unlikely with the steering wheel in the way. A few more deep breaths and she angled out of the seat, figuring it wasn't going to get much better. Pep talk time.

"OK Steph, time to jump, time to jump, can't stand on the cliff forever, time to jump." The footpath to the door seemed like walking the green mile, and her hand shook as she put in the key. "You can do this, time to jump." She braced herself for the Bob greeting and opened the door.

"Hey cupcake. You look a bit flushed, what's up?"

"Hey Joe, just wanted to talk to you. Where's Bob?"

"Out back. He ate a sneaker last night and it's not sitting too well. Didn't want to clean up the mess, so I tied him out back for a while."

"Oh. Can we talk?"

"Sure, you wanna order Pino's or something?"

"No thanks." Steph knew she wouldn't be able to eat.

"So, what's up?"

Steph eyed Joe for a minute before she tried to talk. He really was movie star handsome, even relaxed and casual in sweats and an old Navy t-shirt. For the thousandth time, she wondered if she was doing the right thing. Deep breath.

"OK, this is really hard, can you please let me try and say this before you interrupt? Please?" Joe nodded.

"Well, a couple of nights ago, I was talking with Mary Lou, and she helped me figure a couple of things out. She asked me if I really didn't want to get married or have kids like I'm always saying."

"Steph…"

"Joe _please_ let me try and finish. She also said, if I don't want those things, I mean _really_ don't want them, then I should let you find someone who does, because it's pretty obvious you want this life – kids running around the backyard, family dropping over for visits, a wife waiting at home at the end of the day. Right? That's what you want?"

"Yeah, sure, of course I want that. But, I…, we don't have to have kids right away, and if you really want to work, we can figure something out."

"Joe, I think that's the problem. I don't want kids _ever_. Not with you, not with anyone. I know it's really going to make me the blackest sheep ever in the Burg, and probably turn my mom into a raving alcoholic, but I've spent the last two days holed up in my apartment thinking about what I want. I really don't want kids. Ever.

And I want to keep working, I like working. And I like working as a bounty hunter, I hated working in an office nine-to-five and wearing pantyhose, it drove me batshit crazy. I know I get into a lot of crazy situations, I don't make much money, and I attract a lot of weird karma, but I still like it. I don't want to stop. The couple times I've tried something else lately, it has always seemed worse than being a BEA, and I keep coming back to it.

And the thing is, since I realised all that, I feel like a weight the size of a planet has lifted off me. I feel almost free, like I could fly. You know I always wanted to fly."

Joe sighed. "I know it's probably hypocritical of me, since you helped me clear my name as one of your first skips, but I've always hated you working in that job. I can see you've got a bit better at it over the years, but honestly, you live hand-to-mouth, and I live on Maalox! Does it really have to be bounty hunting?"

Steph looked at him. "Yes, it does. And, don't think I didn't notice you ignoring the no-kids issue. Joe, do you remember a few months ago, I came over on a Sunday afternoon, and you were here, with your brother's kids running all over the place, and your Grandma Bella making tongue casserole?"

"Sure, it happens a lot, it's kind of become a tradition, and Grandma's our good luck charm."

"Well, I don't want that either. It freaks me out. Not just your Grandma Bella, although she's enough to freak me out on a good day, and tongue casserole is revolting, but the whole thing. I started to hyperventilate just thinking about that as my future. Screaming kids rolling in Bob shit, the whole crazy, family life. Freaks me out.

Joe, here's the bottom line, I don't want that future. And I know you do. The most you could ever hope for from me would be what we have now, sex sometimes when we get it together, living together for a few weeks until we drive each other bananas over peanut butter, Maalox whenever my car explodes, or some crazy loon decides to target me. This back-and-forth is making us both miserable, and you'll never find someone who wants what you want, while you're waiting on me to want it too."

"Cupcake…"

" _No_ Joe. I love you, truly. And it's breaking my heart to say this, but we both deserve better, you deserve _more_. I'd like us to stay friends, but I also think it would be better if we just avoided each other for a while. Until everyone, including us, can accept it's over, and we've moved on."

"To Manoso?" he scowled.

Stephanie rolled her eyes. " _Please_ Joe, _don't_. I need you to hear me, to believe me, to understand and accept that this is about _us_ Joe, you and me. I've invested more than three years into this relationship with you. I know I haven't always treated you well, and I've done some things in ways that I regret. I'll always regret the way I hurt you in Hawaii. But if you're honest, you know I'm not the only one at fault for all the problems we've had.

My thinking the last two days has been about how I move forward. For me. For you. Believe it or not, the main thought I had coming here today was about _you_ and the future you want and deserve. And the regret I feel today is for what we can't have in the future, and how much it hurts to say goodbye to what we do have.

If I ever have a relationship with Ranger, it's not going to be because of the relationship I couldn't have with you. He's never offered me a future. He has told me he doesn't see marriage with me anywhere in his future. So _please_ don't think I'm just running into his arms. I'm not."

"So that's it? It's over?"

"It's over for sex and marriage. I'd really like us to be friends. I know we probably need a break though, and I'd understand if you decide you can't be friends. But I do love you, and I hate to think of never seeing you again, or having to ignore you if I pass you on the street."

"Never gonna happen cupcake." Joe looked resigned. It suddenly struck Steph that he wasn't really putting up much of a fight. Maybe he had seen the writing on the wall with this relationship as well.

"So friends?" Steph smiled, although tears were threatening again.

Joe's eyes looked suspiciously wet as well. "Friends. After all, Bob really does miss you, you know. I know you always just thought that was a line, and maybe it was, but he looks for you when you don't come around, and he loves seeing you. Don't forget about us."

"I'll miss him too, I'll say goodbye, and see if he's finished with the sneaker before I go. I'll come back tomorrow while you're at work and pick up my stuff, and leave anything of yours from my place." Steph sighed. "I'll see you around Joe."

Joe kissed her gently. "Bye cupcake.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Wow! 20 reviews. You guys rock! It's like 20 little hugs :-) Thanks for the encouragement and feedback._

/

Two months later, Stephanie once again sat in her car, trying not to throw up or pass out. Deep breaths.

The conversation she had had with Joe two months ago had gone surprisingly well. There was no angry, Italian arm-waving or screaming fight. It had almost felt, well, grown-up. And somehow, she and Joe had been OK.

It had taken nearly a month for the rest of the Burg to catch on, gradually it seemed to dawn on everyone that they weren't seen around together, weren't spending time together. Steph wasn't seen at Joe' house, he wasn't seen at her apartment.

And then, the inevitable happened, and Stephanie had a skip-related accident. A panicked skip had shot at her, and grazed her arm, before she managed to hit him with her stun gun and cuff him. The usual black SUV had shown up and Tank had followed her to the hospital. But Joe had not shown up at the scene, or come to the hospital to check on her, and the grapevine just blew up. He had called while she waited in the ER, but it was just a brief conversation, "You OK?" "Yeah, I'm OK." "OK, bye cupcake."

And still, they were OK. Both of them just kept tight-lipped about what had happened, and told everyone that, yes, they were over, and no, they weren't fighting. It took another month for everyone to believe it. If they did. Steph suspected there were a lot of people reserving judgement to see if it really lasted. On the other hand, Mrs Morelli and Grandma Bella were reportedly ecstatic, and already scouting the available talent for her replacement.

The one that surprised Stephanie the most had been her mother. Steph realised her mother had really given up on her marrying Joe, and she did not seem surprised that she and Joe had called it quits. Steph had braced herself for accusations of 'he was your last chance', but when Stephanie told her, she had remained uncharacteristically silent.

Despite the reprieve, Steph had chickened out of telling her parents about her other decision. She hoped to avoid the 'no kids, ever' conversation for as long as possible. So far, her mom did not seem to be setting Stephanie up with random men from the supermarket, but Steph suspected maybe that was only a matter of time, despite her error in judgement with Dave the serial killer.

Stephanie had paused deliberately after ending the relationship with Joe. Another session on Mary Lou's sofa and a few tubs of B&J had helped her to figure out what to do with Ranger this time. Steph decided to talk to Ranger, she needed to ask him what hewanted, what he could offer her. There had been so many mixed messages, she needed to ask him direct questions, and demand answers. And more than just 'Babe' answers.

But she decided to wait. She didn't want Ranger to think she was just rebounding off Joe, or looking for a man to fill the void. She needed this conversation to be about them. Somehow, after the second tub of ice-cream, Mary Lou and Steph decided to wait two months. Thank goodness for Mary Lou's 'Dr Phil' insights. Two months, the magic number. Stephanie hoped.

Meanwhile, here she sat in her car, once again hyperventilating, and wishing she could put her head between her knees. She really needed to find a chair somewhere. At least last time, she knew what she wanted to happen with the conversation. This time she just didn't know, couldn't predict any kind of outcome.

She should have brought something to throw up in. Those six Boston crèmes had seemed essential at the time; anxiety and hormones had ganged up to force the issue. Now, not so much. Should have stopped at four. Or two. Or none.

She knew she couldn't sit here much longer in her car. She was on full camera display in the Rangeman garage. She was surprised one of the merry men had not already called or come down to check on her. Or Ranger. Just a few more deep breaths and swallows for the bile.

Speak of the devil, her phone chirped a message. _Babe, you coming up or not?_

Hmmm. Just a few more deep breaths.

Slowly, Steph slid out of the car and stood, still hoping to keep the donuts in her stomach, where they belonged. It would be beyond embarrassing to throw up in the Rangeman garage or elevator. It was after 7.30 at night, so she was hoping Ranger would be on seven, and not in the office. The fact that he had texted her to come up, suggested that he was. Deep breath. Time for another pep talk. "You can do this, time to jump. You can do this, time to jump."

The elevator doors opened and she fobbed her way to seven. Like last time she was heading for one of these talks, it seemed to take forever, yet be over too quickly. Deep breath. "You can do this, time to jump. You can do this, time to jump." Deep breath. She hoped nobody on the monitors was watching her talk to herself.

The elevator doors opened again. "You can do this, time to jump. You can do this, time to jump." Deep breath. She lifted her hand to knock, but the door opened before she could make contact, and she was looking at Ranger's chest. _Mmm, muscly Ranger in a tight t-shirt. Whoa, calm down girl, mental cold shower for the hormones, keep it cool. Gotta look at his face._ _You can do this, time to jump. Hope none of that was out loud_.

Deep breath. Raised her eyes, finally to his. _You can do this, time to jump._ Deep breath.

"Can I come in?"

"Babe."

/

 _A/N: Sorry for the cliff-hanger, but I still haven't decided how the next conversation is going to end. I have Steph's part down pat, but Ranger is being his usual enigmatic, uncommunicative self…_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: So I eventually figured out how it goes. Hope you like it!_

/

" _Can I come in?"_

" _Babe."_

/

Ranger opened the door wider, and Steph slid past him, trying not to brush against him. She knew if she touched him, it would seriously undermine her concentration, her resolve to talk to him, to force him to talk to her.

"Do you want a drink, Babe? Some wine?"

Once again, the nausea rolled through her, alcohol was _not_ a good idea. "No thanks, maybe just some water?"

"Have a seat, I'll bring it in."

Steph sat on his uber-comfortable sofa, and continued her deep breathing and (hopefully) silent self-motivation. Ranger walked in and sat beside her, handing her a bottle of water, and opening one for himself. Steph played with the lid of the water bottle, trying to build the courage to start this conversation.

"You seem a bit stressed, Babe. Problem?"

"Not really, just wanted to talk to you."

Steph sat silently for a minute.

"Babe, I know you accuse me of ESP, but I'm not sure I can hold an entire conversation with you without talking."

Steph grimaced. "OK, here goes. Umm. OK, so…"

"Babe."

"Alright! Well, I broke up with Joe two months ago."

"I'm aware, Babe. Time to get back together again?"

"NO! Not this time. This time, we broke up for real, no fight, just a real break up. Umm… OK, I didn't really come here to talk about Joe, I was just saying…"

Steph took another deep breath. "OK, well, you remember a few months ago, when we were in AC and you said you thought about sharing your closet with me?"

"Yes."

"Did you mean it?"

"Yes, I've thought about it."

"So what would that look like? What would that be? Is it like, sex a couple times a week with a sleepover? Come live with me, and call it a relationship? Buy a house together? What does sharing your closet mean?"

Ranger was silent for a minute this time. "What brought this on, Babe, why do you want to define a relationship with me now?"

"Well, I had a big session with Mary Lou, and Ben & Jerry, a while back, and she helped me get some insights into my life. Asked me what I was doing in my 'unhealthy pattern' with Joe, if I didn't want marriage and kids. That's why I broke up with Joe. Two months ago, we had a surprisingly mature conversation about what we wanted, and realised we wanted two different things, and they weren't compatible. I guess I came here to find out the same thing from you. What do _you_ want, and is it compatible with what I want?

I'm not trying to pressure you, or force you to commit to something you don't want. I just wanted, _needed_ , to find out whether we have a future. Or not." Steph was very close to tears, and went back to taking deep breaths.

"I appreciate the mature conversation Steph, but I don't eat ice cream, and deep and meaningful doesn't come very naturally to me."

 _Well, duh!_

"Babe." _Damn ESP._ "Don't really need ESP when you roll your eyes, Babe."

There was silence for a couple more minutes. Then Ranger asked, "What did you tell Morelli?"

"I told him how I spent two days thinking about what I wanted. That I don't want kids, _ever_ , or the Burg lifestyle. That I want to keep working as a bounty hunter, indefinitely. I like my job. That I thought he should find someone who wants the same things he wants, rather than waiting for me.

In the end, he agreed. And we've been apart ever since. I heard a week ago through the grapevine, his mother is trying to set him up with a girl who was a couple of years behind me in school, she's moved back to the Burg from Jersey City a few months ago. I hope he finds someone to settle down with, but it's not going to be me."

"And what do you want from me?"

"An _answer_ Ranger! Surely that's not asking too much! Do you want to have a relationship with me? If so, what sort of relationship?"

"When I told you my life doesn't lend itself to relationships, I meant it. I can't live the kind of traditional relationships you have pursued and experienced Stephanie."

"I have just finished telling you, I _don't want_ the traditional relationship, it's why I broke up with the traditional guy."

"So you tell me, Stephanie, but I don't know if I believe you. Nothing you have done in the past seems to support that."

"I'm trying to talk about what I want to do _now_."

Ranger sighed. "Stephanie, when I chose to give up my rights to Julie, that wasn't an impulsive or careless decision. I'm a planner, a strategist. That's what took me to leadership positions and made me successful in the Army. I weighed the options for Julie, I made the decision. Maybe it hurt at the time, but I believed it was best for Julie. I have chosen to pursue a lifestyle that is not conducive to a family, to more children. Chosen it _deliberately_.

When I chose my career in the Army, when I started Rangeman, those were careful, strategic choices that I made. I _chose_ my lifestyle. And I believe they were the right decisions for me, they have given me skills, financial success, and a group of people around me that I like and trust. And maybe people like my parents would prefer I make different choices for my future, but I don't let that influence me. I'm satisfied with my choices, with my lifestyle.

You've never really chosen your lifestyle, Babe, you fall into your life and then wonder how you got there. You are a creature of impulse, Stephanie, and an emotional decision maker. You say you have thought this through and you want this life with me, a relationship with me, but I can't help but wonder if you really do."

 _Wow_ , Steph thought, _that's the longest speech I've ever heard him make_. But…, "I have thought this through, Ranger. That's the whole point here, I'm making choices, making decisions. Maybe I haven't done it that well in the past, but I'm _trying_. I spent two days just sitting alone in my apartment, thinking. I've been using Mary Lou as an objective sounding board for two months. Surely that counts as 'thinking it through'."

"But Stephanie, I can't help but wonder if you've really considered the consequences of these decisions. Let's face it Babe, all of your previous choices have been fairly traditional, and all of your rebellions have been pretty minor ones."

"They haven't been minor to my mother!"

"Your mother may complain Steph, but she still believes she can eventually mold you the way she wants. She still believes you'll always come back to the Burg. You got divorced, yes, and I know that is not really traditional in the Burg, but it's not that unknown in this day and age. It's not that far out of people's experience to divorce a cheating husband. Your sister did it too, but still came back to the Burg lifestyle. So your mother keeps trying to find you someone else.

You say you don't live in the Burg, but you live close enough to work there, to visit your parents for dinner every week, to babysit your nieces and walk your boyfriend's dog."

"He's not my boyfriend anymore."

"Not my point, Stephanie. You fell into an unconventional job, and you have done it with some success, but you have never really embraced it as a career. You have never really chosen to do it well; to get the training and support and backup you need to do it to the best of your ability. You've never chosen to protect yourself well from the unsavory elements you deal with in the job.

It's not that surprising that people like Morelli and your mother have seen you as playing at the job, filling in time with a minor rebellion, not taking it seriously as a career _choice_. If these are rebellions, if this is fighting the Burg norms, then it hasn't been much of a war, Steph."

Steph flushed at his assessment of her bounty hunting career. She opened her mouth to object, but found she couldn't refute his arguments.

"Now you announce you never want to have children. Well, OK, if that's true, then I applaud you for thinking through what you want and making a choice. But it doesn't really match up with anything you have chosen in the past, and the life you live. You kept going back and forth with Morelli, a man who clearly wants a traditional relationship; even a very old-fashioned, traditional relationship. You've never really traveled or moved away from your home and the traditions you grew up with. Have you told your mother, your family, about your decision?"

Steph gulped. "No, I was hoping to ease into it with my mother. I already drive her to drink, this will send her over the edge!"

"Your mother's drinking is her own problem, Steph, you shouldn't be taking it on yourself. And maybe if you sit down and have an honest conversation with her, she'll have to come to terms with it."

"Yeah, OK, thanks for the advice! But I can't help noticing you _still_ haven't answered me Ranger. You're still avoiding the original question. Do. You. Want. A. Relationship. With. Me?"

Silence. _Just breathe._

…

"Yes."

…

Steph must have sat there for at least two minutes with her jaw on her chest, without blinking. To say the she was surprised would be like saying the ocean is wet. Finally, she pulled herself together to squeak, "What kind of relationship?"

"Come live with me. Live here with me. Bring the rat, move in. And make some compromises with me, so that our lifestyles are more compatible."

"And you? Will you make any compromises?"

"Of course. We'll both have to adjust. But we've shared space before, and I think we can do it."

"What compromises from you?"

Ranger almost-smiled. "I'll let you keep some ice cream and Tastykakes here."

"OK, deal!" He may have been kidding, but no way was Steph going to let him renege on that. "So, you'd be my… what? Boyfriend?"

"If you need a label, I suppose. Boyfriend, lover, partner, whatever. We'd be together, a couple, living together."

"Indefinitely?"

"Yes. For you too. No fall-back position keeping your own apartment. No running away and sulking when we have an argument. And exclusive, Babe. _I don't share_."

Steph just looked at him.

"OK, from now on, if we're living together, Babe, I don't share."

Steph smirked, "Most of the time, you were the one poaching Batman. Exclusive is fine with me. And same goes."

"Not an issue, Babe. Always."

Steph thought for a minute. "What compromises from me?"

"For starters, no refusing to accept my help when you have a stalker or crazy after you, or particularly when I'm aware of a threat from my past. Don't actively ditch the protection I provide. No going off thoughtlessly and unsupported into dangerous situations. Like Stiva. Like Sunucchi."

Steph considered this. "You want me to get training, too?"

"I'm not going to force you to do anything, Stephanie. Do I think you should be better trained? Yes. Do I think you could be a better bounty hunter, if you were trained? Yes. But I won't force you, and I will always support you. However, some training would also help with my other concerns, which I still have, and are still very valid."

"What do you mean?"

"I have dangerous enemies I made in the past Babe. And, as you have already experienced with Scrog and Orin, they can and will target you too. I try and protect you, but you refuse to cooperate half the time. You ditch my men who are protecting you, ditch your trackers and safe vehicles, run away alone, or with Lula for backup. At least if you were better trained, carried your _loaded_ weapon, drove a decent car, and took competent backup on dangerous skips, I wouldn't feel the need to be as protective all the time."

"If I'm going to be living here, eating your food, paying no rent or utilities, I'm not going to let you buy me cars and provide free backup services. I'm not going to be a kept woman, I need some vestige of independence and identity for myself, Ranger."

"With no rent, or other living expenses, you could afford to buy a decent car yourself. If you let me, I can help you pick something out, I can have it fitted out safely for you, and you could pay me back in instalments. If you want to work part-time for Rangeman, you could have backup for dangerous skips. Or if you don't want to work here, you can pay me on a casual contract basis for backup."

Steph blinked. "I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask."

Steph blew out a breath. Suddenly she realised, "Wow! We just agreed to live together!"

Ranger' lips tipped up. "Did we? I don't think you ever answered me."

"Yes, yes, YES!"

"And you don't mind moving in here? I prefer to live here at Rangeman."

"No, I love this apartment. I love being here with you. And if I live here, Ella might really adopt me."

"So you love me, Babe?"

"YES! I love you, have for years."

Ranger smiled his 200 watt smile. "Good."

"Do you love me Batman? Just love me, no qualifiers, no exit clauses?"

"Yes."

"Good."

His smile turned into a wolf-grin, and he slid closer to put his arm around her. "I think we should celebrate."

 _Ooh tingles straight to my doo-dah!_ Steph grinned back. "Yes, this definitely calls for a celebration. We need ice cream! I should call Mary Lou!"

"Babe."

/

 _A/N: So there it is. What do you think, is it finished?_

 _Sorry to the people who thought she could end up with a MM or another character. I really thought about it, but I guess I'm just too much of a die-hard Babe, and couldn't bring myself to write my first fanfic any other way!_

 _ **Thanks**_ _to everyone who has reviewed, you have made this so exciting and so much fun, and_ _ **definitely**_ _inspired me to continue. Cheers! Robyn_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Hmm… I really thought I had finished this again, and then I read your reviews, and more of this story started to form in my mind. This next chapter is VERY angsty and not at all happy. So be warned! I think I have to write one more chapter, just an epilogue, to finish on a happier note. So stay tuned!_

/

Two months later and Steph was _once again_ sitting in the car feeling like she wanted to vomit and pass out. _Once again_ she was facing a grown-up conversation that could either leave her feeling like shit, or… oh, who was she trying to kid? It was going to leave her feeling like shit no matter what.

"You can do this, time to jump. You can do this, time to jump."

"Babe?"

"I'm psyching myself up, it's how I motivate myself to have these grown-up conversations. When I spoke to Lou all those months ago, I said I felt like I was on the cliff, and didn't know what would happen if I jumped. Time to jump again."

"Babe, no matter what happens here, I've got the net at the bottom."

"Oh god, I love you Batman! That's _exactly_ what I needed you to say."

"Always Babe. Now, let's go jump."

"Sure. Just need to hurl first. Or maybe pass out."

"Babe."

So two months ago, Steph pulled up her big-girl panties and took herself off to have a grown-up conversation with Ranger. To her eternal surprise, it worked out. Ranger told her he loved her, and asked her to move in with him. Never saw that coming, but Steph wasted _no_ time making it happen. The next day, Steph had Rex installed next to her cookie jar on Ranger's kitchen counter, and her shoes in his closet. The day after that, Ella had 'adopted' her. Stephanie loved Ella.

Slowly they were working things out, and figuring out how to be a couple. The lease on her old apartment had only had two months left to run, so Steph asked Ranger if she could keep it until it ran out. It allowed her to move her stuff over gradually, and keep the gossip to a minimum, since she was still seen going back there most days. Now the lease was up in a few days, and Steph had given Dylan her notice last week. Soon everyone would know she was living with Ranger, and Steph felt ready to face that.

Actually Steph felt ready to sing that from the rooftop, the last two months had been awesome!

She had avoided going to dinner at her parents' as much as possible. She told them she was dating Ranger, figuring that she could ease them into acceptance of their relationship. But now, she was here to talk to her parents about what was really going on; the whole living-in-sin, never-having-kids conversation. Which explained the nausea and hyperventilating. Or rather, she would talk to her mother, Steph doubted her father was going to say much, he never did.

The only saving grace for this conversation was the man sitting in the car with her, holding her hand and rubbing the back of her neck with the other hand. "Thanks for being here Batman."

"I'd never let you face this alone, Babe."

It was 5.58pm, which meant Steph needed to suck it up and get out of the car. If they walked in after 6pm, it was only going to make this conversation worse. _You can do this. Batman has your back!_ Much better motivation; got her out of the car and walking up the path. Grandma opened the door as they walk up to the porch.

"Hey baby girl. You brought The Package to dinner!"

"Please call him Ranger, grandma. And no pinching or feeling him up!"

Grandma looked at her, rolling her teeth around in her mouth. "OK Steph, I can see you've got him staked out. For you." Behind her, Steph could hear Ranger exhale in relief.

She murmured, "Oh, is Batman afraid of widdle old granny?"

"No Babe, just glad I won't have to shoot her." Steph chuckled and led Ranger into the house. Her mother stood at the doorway of the kitchen to greet them, looking cool and reserved.

"Hello Stephanie, hello Ranger."

"Hi mom. Do you need me to set the table or anything?"

"No, of course not. It is already after 6pm Stephanie. The food's getting cold. Come in and sit down" They trooped into the dining room, and greeted her father, already seated and waiting. Her mom said, "I made Pollo alla Romano, with salad and fresh bread from People's. I remembered you like salad Ranger. And there's chocolate torte for dessert."

"It looks delicious Mrs Plum, and I love chicken." Mrs Plum looked pleased, and Ranger served himself a healthy portion of the chicken and salad. No bread of course, and Steph knew he wasn't going to eat the cake. Oh well, more for her!

"It's nice you could finally come to dinner with your boyfriend Stephanie" her mother rebuked her. Steph sighed. She had hoped she could at least eat a few mouthfuls without any grief.

"I've been busy mom. Ranger has been helping me learn some self-defence skills so I can be better at bounty hunting, and I've been working part-time at his company, Rangeman." Steph decided not to mention the practice at the gun range. One thing at a time. Or preferably never, if she could get away with it. Ranger had helped her apply for a carry concealed permit. It had been surprisingly easy, with her history of stalkers and her profession. But he had agreed Steph didn't need to carry to dinner. Better not to give her mom any more ammunition against her. Besides, Steph was sure he was carrying his usual two guns and a knife.

Her mother's lips pursed. Steph could see her mom was itching to tell her that was not a suitable career for her, but she was intimidated by Ranger's presence. Small mercies.

Grandma chimed in, "I've never seen you drive a blue car before Ranger. You always have black cars. Are you branching out?" she grinned.

"Actually grandma, it's my car. I chose the color" Steph replied.

"You have a new car?" Steph's mother looked up. Even her father's head raised at this topic.

"Yes, I decided it was time to buy myself a decent car."

"What is it?" her father asked.

"Explorer. Brand new." Steph said proudly. Her father grunted, but seemed pleased she had bought American.

"How can you afford that Stephanie? You never make enough money for a decent car" her mother exclaimed. Steph sighed. Time to bite the bullet. Oh well, at least she had managed to eat some dinner. And she may still get cake. Steph looked at her mother. OK, maybe not.

"Well mom, I've made some changes in my life. Lots of them actually. First up, Ranger bought the car for me, but I'm paying him back. We've set up a payment plan, with insurance and everything. He's had extra safety features installed so hopefully it won't get stolen or blown up easily."

Steph's father spoke up again, "Good idea. 'Bout time you were driving a decent car." Her mom's lips pursed again, but she didn't say anything.

"Secondly, I'm trying to be smarter about my bounty hunting. I told you Ranger is giving me training, and I work for him part-time. It means I can use his computer programs to research more on my skips, and one of his men comes with me on my more dangerous skips. I know you worry about me doing this as my career, but I'm trying to get better, mom, and trying to be safer. I hope I'll give you less cause to worry in future." Her mom didn't say anything, but Steph thought she saw a flicker of relief behind her eyes.

Her father shocked her by speaking up again, "That's good too. Sounds like Ranger's influence to me. Is that right, Ranger?"

"Well, I certainly encouraged Steph to get training, Mr Plum, and I suggested the car payment plan, but Steph made the decisions, and Steph is the one doing the hard work. She deserves the credit." Ranger slipped his arm around Steph's shoulders and rubbed her neck encouragingly.

Steph took a deep breath. _Now for the hard stuff._ "I also have to tell you all that I have given up the lease on my apartment. Ranger asked me to move in with him, and I agreed. I have already moved my stuff in, and got rid of all the old furniture. I'm living with Ranger now." Steph could feel her chest tighten at her mother's darkening expression and forced herself to take a few deep breaths to hold down her dinner. _Here it comes…_

"Are you getting married? You can't just live in sin forever, Stephanie!"

"Mom, I don't know if Ranger and I will get married. We haven't talked about marriage. At the moment, we are happy with things the way they are, and we are just getting used to being together, living together. Please don't pressure us about marriage mom." Steph felt proud of herself for that speech; Ranger's comforting arm around her helped a lot.

Mrs Plum stood up, stacked up the dinner plates and stomped into the kitchen. Steph met her grandma's sympathetic eyes at the sound of the pantry opening. Everyone knew she was going for the 'hidden' bottle, after all she couldn't set up her ironing board with dinner guests at the table. Her dad just looked around for dessert. With a decent car, and safety concerns allayed, her dad seemed to have lost most of his interest in the conversation.

Steph wondered if it was worth trying to finish this conversation now, or if she should just let her mother try and get over the 'living together' bombshell before she dropped any more bombs. She looked up at Ranger, and he was eyeing her knowingly. He shook his head slightly. Steph sighed. He wasn't going to let her leave yet, he was going to make her finish this tonight. Steph knew he was right, that was probably the best move, but she still dreaded this next part the most.

Mrs Plum stomped back in with the cake. She put it down without speaking, then went back into the kitchen for the plates and her glass of 'ice tea'. She started to cut up the cake and passed it around. Ranger took his piece and gave Steph an eye-smile. Steph knew he would swap plates with her when she had finished her piece. Steph decided to eat her cake as quickly as she could. This next part was probably going to cut her off from cake for the rest of her life, not to mention she would probably bring it straight back up if this went as badly as she expected…

"So Stephanie," her mother attacked again, "your boyfriend bought you a car, you are working for him and living at his apartment, but you can't marry him, is that what you're saying?"

Steph felt herself flush with anger, and she felt Ranger tense beside her. She laid her hand on his thigh in warning, she needed to do this herself. "Mother, you are twisting my words. Ranger didn't just buy me the car, I am paying him back. We had an agreement drawn up and signed by his lawyer. My job is perfectly legitimate, as is Ranger's company. And we are very happy to be living together. It is a big step for us both. If you can't be happy for us, well I guess I have to accept that. But we are happy together."

Steph drew in another deep breath. May as well just go and get it over with. "And that leads me to the last thing I came here to tell you all. Four months ago, Mary Lou sat me down and forced me to think about what I want in life, and encouraged me to make my own choices and make them happen. So I broke up with Joe, because I knew we wanted different things, and I went to Ranger and asked him if we could have a relationship, because I love him, and want to be with him."

"What was wrong with Joe?" her mother asked, "You said you loved him."

"I did love Joe," Steph replied, "I _do_ love Joe, as a dear friend. But Joe wants a traditional life, with kids, a dog, and a house in the suburbs. And I realised, after my talks with Mary Lou, that I _don't_ want any of those things." Steph paused for breath. "That's what I'm trying to tell you. I'm never going to have children. Not ever. I don't want children. And Ranger is fine with it, he doesn't want any more children either."

The room was frozen, nobody spoke or even seemed to be breathing. Ranger's arm tightened on her shoulder. Steph was seriously considering reaching over and grabbing her mother's glass of bourbon. The sudden explosion of sound caused everyone to flinch, even Ranger jumped slightly. " _WHAT are you SAYING?! Of COURSE you will have children one day! You HAVE to have children!"_ Mrs Plum shrieked at the top of her lungs.

"Why mother?"

"What do you mean, why?"

" _Why_ do I _have to_ have children? Why is it required of me?"

"Well, because…I… you…" her mother sputtered, "Stephanie, don't you want to hold your baby in your arms some day? Watch your children grow up? Play with them? Ranger may have already experienced all that Stephanie, but you haven't!"

"Actually, Mrs Plum, I haven't experienced all that." Ranger replied, "I was deployed overseas in the Rangers throughout my daughter's early years, and I gave up my parental rights when she was quite young, to allow her to be adopted by her stepfather. I haven't experienced parenthood much more than Stephanie has as an aunt. But Stephanie is correct, it's not something I regret or miss from my life."

"So because _Ranger_ doesn't want to be a father, you've given up on having children?!"

Steph felt the anger sweep through herself and Ranger again, but tried to keep her temper. " _No_ mother! _I_ made the decision before I went to break up with Joe. _I_ told Joe I do not want children, and he should find someone who does. _I_ told Ranger that I do not want children and he _agreed_ that we could be happy without them. I know this is hard for you to accept mother, I know that this is not what you expected, but it is _my choice_. Ranger is _not_ forcing me to give anything up. It is what I want, a decision I have made."

Stephanie found the courage to look at her father. He looked sad and lost, and wouldn't meet her eyes. "I'm sorry dad," she said, "I know you are disappointed in me, but I have to be true to what I want. I have to do what is going to make me happy. You and mom already have four beautiful granddaughters, I hope you can accept that as being enough." Her father said nothing, but he did finally meet her eyes, she could see the resignation in them. He wasn't happy, but he wouldn't berate her about it.

Steph looked at her grandma. Her eyes were hard, bright, and she met Stephanie's gaze determinedly. Steph saw her fierce loyalty and support in that gaze. Steph knew her grandma would love to hold a great-granddaughter from Stephanie someday, but she could see that she was determined to support Steph's decision. Steph felt relief, like a burden had been lifted, _someone_ was on her side.

Her mother, on the other hand, was never going to accept or support this decision. She stood up, and started stacking the dessert plates. Ranger's cake lay untouched, Steph had never got the chance to eat it, and she couldn't now. Her mother's tone was icy.

"Well, Stephanie, it is your life to live. If you want to throw it away on bounty hunting, and living in sin, and never having children to enrich your life, I can't make you. So, is that all that you came to say?" The dismissal was clear in her tone. Steph felt the tears well in her eyes, and she drew in a shivering breath. Ranger helped her stand up.

"Thank you for the dinner Mrs Plum." She gave him an icy nod in acknowledgement. Ranger led Steph to the door.

"Goodnight, mom, dad. Night grandma." Steph choked out. Her grandma came over and gave her a hug. Her father and mother said nothing.

By the time Ranger got Steph to her car, the tears were running unchecked down her cheeks. He buckled her in and drove off toward their home together, and Steph started to sob, holding her stomach and crying unrestrainedly. He pulled over, unbuckled her seatbelt and pulled Steph over the console into his arms. He held her while she sobbed and rubbed soothing circles on her back, until her sobs subsided to hiccups and the occasional leaking tear. He put her back in the passenger seat and re-buckled her belt, before driving home.

When they arrived at Haywood, he pulled the car into her carpark, and got out to come around to her side. He picked her up and carried her into the elevator, holding her face in his shoulder, to shield her from the ubiquitous cameras. He carried her into the apartment and laid her on the bed. He stripped off her shoes, dress and bra, and slipped one of his clean t-shirts over her head. He then stripped off his clothes and crawled in behind her, to hold her against him tightly. In seconds, she was asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Well, it's_ _ **really**_ _finished this time! Hope you like it…  
Changed the rating, since I'm not sure how some of the topic matter here will affect it._

/

 **Epilogue**

Steph lay like a cat in the sun. The private beach attached to their villa in Cancun was ideal for sunbathing. She didn't _quite_ have the courage to go nude, but she was happy to be face-down topless. After all, who wanted strap marks? Ranger had surprised her two weeks ago with tickets for this holiday for them both. It had only taken her about 24 hours to realise that they would arrive the day before the twelve-month anniversary of her momentous visit to his apartment, for the discussion that started their relationship. Clearly, Ranger wanted to celebrate their 'anniversary'. The romanticism of that gesture had touched her.

The surprises had kept coming, when they arrived at the airport to find Mary Lou and Lenny waiting for them. Ranger told her that he wanted to thank Mary Lou for her insights that led Steph to his door that night, so he'd arranged for them to come on the holiday as well, and booked the neighbouring villa for them. It allowed for privacy for the two couples, but also let them spend time together, dining, dancing and sightseeing. Mary Lou and Lenny were enjoying a second honeymoon, while Steph and Ranger celebrated their 'anniversary'. Their kids were spending one week with Lou's parents and one week with Lenny's parents. Steph had felt tears welling up when he explained all this to her. If she had ever doubted his love and commitment to her, this would have settled those doubts.

...

Steph lay, half dozing, half thinking and reflecting back on the last year. It had been a good year. There were many highs of happiness and love, and only a few lows of problems and rejection - mainly from Steph's parents. Steph's relationship with her parents had never really recovered from those fateful dinner revelations. Her mother remained distant and cold, and rarely spoke to Steph any more. Her father remained silent and passive, and Steph saw lingering sadness in the back of his eyes on the few times she had seen him in the last eight months. Whether the sadness was for their strained relationship, or for the grandchildren he would never hold, Steph was not sure. But she gradually came to see that she could not change their minds, all she could do was live her life, and hope that they could accept it one day.

Steph had managed to maintain a happy relationship with her grandma, they had fortnightly lunches together, and Steph would occasionally shuttle her to the hairdresser or the funeral home. Steph was glad to have a constant family presence in her life. Her relationship with Valerie was, well… not terrible. Val had struggled to understand and accept Steph's decision. She loved her daughters so much, and she did not really understand why Steph would not want children of her own, but at least she had not outright rejected Steph, like their mother. She let Steph come over and spend time with the girls, but was always _very_ careful to make sure their mother would not be there. Steph supposed it was the best she could hope for, with things the way they were.

Surprisingly, to Steph, Lula had also struggled with her decision. At first, she had berated Steph and called her selfish, and their friendship had been strained and cool for weeks. Finally, Ranger encouraged her to have another honest conversation with Lula. Steph was almost getting used to these conversations now, she hadn't even felt like throwing up… well not too much. A few chants of _'You can do this, Batman has your back!'_ had helped Steph get through it. It turned out Lula had found out that she was permanently sterile from Ramirez's attack, and had reacted off that to Steph's decision. Lula would have loved to be a mother one day. Steph had held Lula while they both cried for a couple of hours, and Steph told her, if she found someone she wanted to have a family with, Steph would consider being a surrogate. More tears, hugs, and B &J had repaired their damaged friendship.

Of course, if she was going to have a baby for Lula one day, she was going to have to rethink her contraception. Steph had been shocked initially when Ranger offered to get a vasectomy. He had explained that he disliked using condoms, and didn't want to use them long-term. Steph had hesitated; Ranger was only in his mid-thirties, and Steph wasn't sure she wanted to go down such a permanent path right now. She was still convinced she didn't want children, but it just seemed so drastic… After doing some research, and discussing it with her OB/GYN, they had agreed Steph would get a contraceptive implant that had a very high success rate, and lasted three years. They would revisit their discussion then, and maybe consider a permanent solution.

...

Steph squealed as freezing drops of water hit her sun-heated skin. She looked up, squinting into the sun, to see a sexy, latte-coloured, sun god standing over her, grinning evilly and shaking his dripping wet hair. While Steph lay in the sun, he enjoyed running on the beach and swimming, but Steph was happy they were both enjoying their holiday. Steph was tempted to jump up and tackle Ranger, but realised just in time that was probably his intention, with her top untied. She lay back down and said smugly, "Nice try Batman, but I'm not going to flash you!"

Quick as a cat, he had dropped beside her and rolled her onto her back. Steph gasped, then his mouth claimed hers in a breath-stealing kiss. "Hmm, seems like you flashed me anyway, Babe," he murmured into her mouth. Steph realised she didn't care about who might be watching, as long as his magic mouth and hands were on her. Ranger picked her up, and strode with impatient steps into the villa, clearly keen to continue his exploration more privately…

A breathless, tangled hour later, Steph murmured, "I love you Ranger."  
He whispered back, " _Te amo, tambien, Babe"_.

/

 _A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed. I admit it, it's official; I have become a review junkie! I sit there reading or writing or watching tv, and probably at least every half an hour, I stop and refresh my profile page, hoping to see the tiny little numbers change! Sigh._

 _It's been an interesting journey, made_ _ **so**_ _much better by the support and encouragement from you. I know JE will never write it this way – too serious, not funny, and would end the (money-making) series, but I just wish both Steph and Ranger could grow up like this… at least a little bit._

 _Cheers, Robyn._


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